You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
