You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
