Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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