My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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