i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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