I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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