Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
