Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
