OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize