Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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