He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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