I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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