We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am puke
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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