No stitches, just platelets and will power
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
