Moan for me like Helen Keller
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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