NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
