The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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