Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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