He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
