Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
