Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to sanitize my soul.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
