You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't think brook has ever known best
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize