you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
