I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
