Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
