Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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