Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
