well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
