I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
