The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
