I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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