I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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