I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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