So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
