At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
