I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
