you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
