I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize