she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
