my phone needs a breathalizer
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize