12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
