I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As shirtless as possible
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize