If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
