Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
