i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
