Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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