if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
