I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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