His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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