I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
