Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can't believe i had my finger in that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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