There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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