And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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