I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude. I can hear the air.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
