Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
