Sponge bath it is.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
