Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
