i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
