I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
