Dual....:-)
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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