Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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