Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
