All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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