if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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