mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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