I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
