he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
