is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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