i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
